Sunday, 16 September 2012

Help, my eight year old has become really clingy!

I blogged a few months ago about how R, my gorgeous eight year old was heading full throttle into the teenage years. He was happy, confident, independent and starting to go out to play with friends or out on his bike quite happily.

Sadly that has all changed. Over the summer, something happened to make him lose that confidence and independence and I cannot think for the life of me what has happened.

Suddenly around the middle of the holidays, he became ridiculously clingy. Clingy to the point of ridiculousness. He had to be at mine or my husband's side, if we were out of his sight for longer than thirty seconds, he would be screaming 'mummy' or 'daddy' at the top of his voice. We couldn't even go to the toilet without him lurking at the door.

For a couple of weeks, he struggled to settle at night and each bedtime was followed by constant appearances from him, sometimes until eleven o'clock. He even came into our bed in the night, which he has never done before.

I have to explain that R has always been the reliable and sensible one of my children. He was an amazing baby, he has always slept well, eaten well and apart from a few issues when he first started school, he has been the model child. Maybe we have been spoilt? Maybe it is his turn to have a 'funny'? I don't know, but it is like he has had a personality transplant.

My husband and I have wracked our brains to try and work out what has triggered it. There was one incident at the park when my husband and his mum took the three children and whilst the boys were playing, my husband took A to the back of the park to go to the toilet. R lost sight of them for a few minutes, but they were soon back in his sight and it did worry him, but he should know that we would never leave him, not even for a minute.

Two or three weeks on and he is a little better. We have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to know what has caused this dramatic change in behaviour or doesn't want to talk about it. We have reassured him endlessly and at times I have got a little annoyed with him. It is a bit like having a stalker. I tell him I'm going out to hang the watching and two minutes later he is there asking me what I'm doing and often jumping out of my skin at the same time. He has also become neurotic about his brother and sister, he has to know where they are and what they are doing at any moment. Poor L, we were walking home from somewhere one day and he was ambling along ahead of us and R kept grabbing him by the throat in an effort to stop him going to far ahead. It sounds amusing, but it is really strange behaviour. He won't go out to play now and his bike has been redundant for three weeks.

I am at a bit of a loss. I am trying not to make a bigger deal of it. I am reassuring him a lot and I make a point of telling him what I'm doing and where I'm going. I do hope that in time it gets better. Is it normal behaviour at this age as they suddenly become aware of the wider world and the fact that bad things happen? If anyone can shed any light on this or offer any advice in the matter, I would be grateful as I would really like my confident, happy little 'tweenager' back.


6 comments:

  1. That is so sad. I'm afraid I can't shed any light as it hasn't happened to either of my boys. I suppose you just need to keep being clear with him that you're only going to the toilet/ garden and will be back in 2 mins. Have you spoken to his teachers? Have they noticed a change? Hope it sorts itself soon x

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  2. Nightmare/recurring dream following the park incident? I kinda off had a similar thing with someone throwing up, I still get panicky if I think someone might chunder anywhere near me or god forbid I do then Im a complete mess! The incident that triggered it wasn't massive but the dreams went on forever and ever. Same thing time and time again.

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  3. It wasn't something on the news was it? The Tia Sharp murder was around that time as was such a stark contrast to the postivity of the Olympics that it really seemed to hit home. There were a lot of details about her traveling on the bus on her own... it might have been this, combined with the park incident?! Just an idea but maybe at 8 you might suddenly be more aware of the news on TV, especially as we were all watching the TV with such enthusiasm for the latest news of the medals? It's only an idea but it might be worth talking to him about the news and about how it's a collection of all the bad stuff that is happening everywhere rather than just around him?? Good luck.

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  4. Trying to unscramble the workings of a child's mind can be near impossible as they often have no idea what has triggered their anxieties. All the reassuring you are doing is the way I would go and if you feel your child is old enough discuss how that emotion feels inside. For example is it butterflies, does his body tense, tingles, anything like that. I find this helps them recognise when they are starting to get these feelings and can possible put into a place a plan to combat the thoughts. Advice like take a deep breath and remember Mummy and Daddy love you so much they would never leave you alone. It's complex for young ones but I try my hardest with my 9 year old as he has such low self esteem and I'm trying to get him to head off what we call "stinky thoughts". Good luck & I've come from Britmums linky thing.

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  5. Hmm, not sure if I can offer any advice, but I'm sure it's completely normal. I know children go through certain cycles, maybe this is one.

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  6. I don't have any advice either just wanted to say that I hope it's just a phase that he's going through and can get over - lots of cuddles for you both xx

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Thank you for your comments, they are greatly appreciated!

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